When I was 13 years old
When I was 13 years old, my dreams for my 41 year old self included: becoming a doctor, getting married and having kids.
I’ve done 2 of the 3 things (a PhD sort of counts as being a ‘doctor’ right?) and I think my 13 year-old self would be pretty proud of me!
So then why are SO many of us (including many of my coaching clients) asking the question:
“Is this really what life is all about?”
---
Here’s my nerdy, anthropological theory:
We’re all going through midlife crises.
(Ours just looks different from our parents')
--
We often think of midlife crises as buying a Porsche or having an affair – and that’s because this concept was popularized in the 1970s and 80s (specifically amongst the Anglo-Western middle class...).
That generation was raised in a time when you worked for the same company your entire life, divorce was taboo, and sensible frugality was the norm. THAT’s what they questioned at midlife.
WE were raised at a time of economic growth, with tons of new tech and increased accessibility for college education. In this meritocratic context, we were raised to chase achievements and progress.
We’re asking the same question our parents did at midlife: “Is this all there is to life?"
And just like them, we try to figure it out by pushing against social norms.
70s/80s:
Raised with sensible frugality
Midlife Crisis = Go buy a Porsche
TODAY:
Raised with meritocratic ambitions
Midlife Crisis = Quit a $900k job
---
So what do we do about this midlife feeling of unease?
1.𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗶𝘁. The word 'crisis' isn't the best. This is a natural stage of development - emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually.
2.𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 13-𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿-𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳. Not for nostalgia - so you can reassure them that you've "made it" and ask for permission to redefine your goals now that you're an adult.
3.𝗥𝗲-𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆. Really. Like, sit down and write it. What does a good life mean to you NOW? This is your NEW roadmap.
---
If we can accept that our midlife crisis is a messy rite of passage that SO many of us in the contemporary Western, English-speaking world experience...hopefully we can be deliberate about how we navigate the experience.
